Ideas On How To Tell Your Child

  • Tell your child as soon as a definite decision is reached.
  • Do it together unless one parent is unable to manage their own emotions. This is not unusual, particularly if the separation has come as a shock to one parent.
  • Plan ahead and agree with the other parent what will be said whether or not the conversation takes place together or as separate conversations. It is better that the children hear the same information from both parents.
  • Do it at home in a comfortable room with all of the children present.
  • Be honest and straight forward.
  • Be direct and use the words “divorce”, “separation” and “splitting up” as a way of explaining the change. You may be tempted to spare the children the pain of facing what is going to happen. It may be better to be honest. If not, the child may hold out some hope that it will not happen.
  • Give a simple reason for the divorce. Do not apportion blame. Keep your explanation short.
  • Reassure the child that they did not cause the separation.
  • Emphasise repeatedly that both parents will continue to love and care for them.
  • Describe the things that will stay the same. They often want to know who they will live with and where, where their pets will live and whether they will need to change schools etc. Try to have some answers.
  • Describe the changes that may occur and that are to be worked out.
  • Reassure the children that they will see you both regularly.
  • Allow the children to express their emotions. They may feel angry. They may be in denial. There may be tears or rage. Do not try to prevent the reaction. Do not tell the child off. Allow the child to let the emotions come out.
  • Manage your own emotions and stay focused on the needs of your child.
  • Encourage children to ask questions.
  • You will need to keep talking to your children and be available to answer their questions as they arise.